Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
