Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
