Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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