Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
