I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
