now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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