i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
