everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Mom said you looked used
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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