you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
