if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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