I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
