Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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