I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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