and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
