it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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