Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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