i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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