I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
