Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
