Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
