she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
