I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
