There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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