The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
