Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
