where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
