I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
