i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
