It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
