she woke up with a sticky ear
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
