question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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