Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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