The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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