Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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