Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
