Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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