marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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