Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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