i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
