dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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