Yo dont text me then not text me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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