OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
