did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
