btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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