I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
