I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
