no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize