She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
