But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
