We named our party play list daddy issues
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
